Reflections I

Reflections I

An introductory note: After a long absence of not writing anything, I am attempting to write consistently about whatever is on my mind. The following poems were what came to the forefront as I was reflecting on some important years in my life beginning with the year of my conversion which is now approaching forty-four years ago. I have endeavored to be as honest as possible in writing (or as honest as my memories will allow me to be).  So many people live their lives wearing a mask that covers their true feelings and inner struggles. We live in an inner hell hoping that no one will ever get a whiff of how screwed up we really are.  If you find encouragement in these words, great. If they resonate with you about a current inner struggle that you are having, even better. We will all have seasons of both faith and doubt in our lives. And even if we walk away, our Father is always looking for us to walk down that road back home so that he can run and greet us with BBQ and a party!

Nineteen Seventy-Five

Fifteen years of age and the process begins again.

Walked down the aisle, again.

Prayed the same prayer again.

Dunked by the pastor, again.

Trying to assuage the guilt, again.

Am I truly saved? Maybe

 the third time's the charm. 

Rules must be followed.

Rebellion is the same as witchcraft, a capital crime.

The rules and the Bible don't match. All 

questions must be squelched.

I must be a witch.

Nineteen Seventy-Six

I believe in Jesus, but I 

am not sure He believes in me.

I can't measure up;

I am a disappointment.

I can't follow the rules, my

thoughts betray me.

God so loved the world, yet

He seems so pissed.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, 

Are just words we sing in church. Jesus 

loves without conditions they say, yet

the preacher gives terms and conditions of acceptance.

Jesus calls God, Abba (Daddy/Papa), and 

says that we can too, but the God

that is preached is always so 

Disapproving. 

And yet...

Something within me stirs when I 

read about the Nazarene and hear a small, quiet

Voice say, "Follow me."

There is love here, in this voice that is not shaped by

bombastic screeds of moralism with its lists of do's and dont's.

Can I just follow him, without all of the 

Condemning, Religious, Attitude that Prevails?

Oh, Jesus I believe. 

Help my unbelief. 

Amen